Twins Born Locally Named Covid and Corona

Chiswick couple celebrate birth of babies during the pandemic


Twins Covid and Corona reported to be doing well

Two babies recently delivered in a local maternity hospital have been named Covid and Corona to mark the timing of their birth during the pandemic.

The non-identical twins, a boy and a girl were born earlier this week, weighing 8lb 4oz and were both delivered without any complications.

Their parents, Colin and Uta Erfwitz, aged 42 and 36, live in Chiswick and believe that naming their children after the virus will give them extra protection against infection.

Consultant obstetrician, Dr Don Tewfall-Fordice, “This is a difficult and trying time for all expectant parents at the moment so, to be brutally frank, I’m happy to go along with most things no matter how daft they may seem.”

The proud mum and dad said, “We are not particularly religious but we wanted to get our twins baptised. Initially the priest said no because of the so-called ‘ridiculous names’ but then he checked and said actually there were saints with those names so there was nothing he could do to stop us.”

Saint Corona was a second century Christian martyr who was killed by the Romans in Syria along with St Victor during the reign of Marcus Aurelius. She is the patron saint of treasure hunters but reports that she was also the patron saint against epidemics are not correct. There is a basilica in Anzu in Northern Italy where her remains are said to be buried. Her feast day is 14 May.

Saint Covid was a hermit in Anatolia in the third century AD. He lived on a mountain top in total isolation near the village of Okadoezum which is in modern day Turkey. The villagers used to bring him food and drink but soldiers of the Roman Emperor Diocletian came looking for the holy man as part of their persecution of Christians. The townsfolk were worried that the legionaries would follow them to Covid’s hideout so they couldn’t supply him. Nothing was brought to him for two years but, when the soldiers left, the villagers went to find the hermit expecting him to be long dead. They found him hale and hearty and he told them that God had appeared to him and instructed him to check in the back of his store cupboards where he found numerous jars of pickles and half full bags of cereal. He died of old age at 138 and, by an amazing coincidence his Saint’s day is today 1, April. He is the patron saint of delivery drivers.

Holistic tantric epidemiologist, Avril Amadan, who advised the couple to choose the name based on analysis of their star charts and crystals said that the timing of the birth combined with the names would give the twins total protection for life against, Covid-19, athlete’s foot and haemorrhoids. She has a range of advice on her Facebook page which she says gives advice which guarantees you and your family will not catch the virus.

A government spokesman said, “I’m sick to the back teeth of people who talk such nonsense. Stay safe, wash your hands, observe social distancing and support the NHS.”

April 1, 2020